New look. And some thoughts on breast feeding an ever changing baby…
Topic : Breastfeeding
What do you think?
No more Blogger.
Some knew I was making the switch, wanted to know what I thought…
I’m gonna be honest with you all, I do not find WordPress easy.
I’m sure I’ll “get the hang out it” at some point but I had to get someone to come help me navigate (and she was/is fabulous).
To be fair, Im not great with technology AT ALL so factor that into the equation.
I like the look of the blog but it’s not where I want it yet, work in progress…always is, right?
Along with a new look on the blog, there’s always something going on here at the old Gray house.
And like most of my previous posts the changes deal with Clarabelle’s growing up (and my inability to handle it well) and breast feeding (cause we’re still going and it’s switching up a LOT).
Clare-booty is growing up and up.
She’s getting very clear with her needs.
She gives kisses…which is like an open mouth kiss. Very sweet. Somewhat hard to know what to do with but I just let her latch onto my cheek. 🙂
Speaking of latching.
This is the hard part of this post for me to write.
The past few weeks have been constantly changing for us with breast feeding….
Let me tell you what, nursing a moving and more emotional baby (o.k., she’s more of a toddler now) is very different from a non-mobile being.
Clarabelle is sometimes wanting to eat all the time.
Sometimes only a few times a day.
Some nights she will sleep almost all the way through the night.
And last night she woke every three hours to nurse.
My boobs and my emotions have been on a roller coster ride.
Some days I am very calm and know she’s changing and all is well.
Other days every google search I do is about, “nursing strikes, weaning, biting, and what is “normal” for an almost 12 month old baby with eating.”
My doula has also gotten several calls about what my child is doing…like she or I have any clue.
My doula is a saint btw.
Very patient, very kind.
So here’s where I am with nursing today.
After some tears.
A LOT of yoga. Many conversations.
I’ve decided I’m going to have to be o.k. with what is happening.
That is a choice I make daily.
To follow my child’s lead.
To try and not panic.
To relax and trust that she knows what is best for her and that my body can adapt and provide.
My child is growing up, her needs are changing and I cannot control her (not that I want to but what I mean is that you cannot force your child to nurse).
My relationship with her CANNOT be only about breast feeding.
Yes, it is a very strong part of our relationship but one day she will not nurse, she WILL wean.
And I will still be her mom.
And I will still be her safe place.
Her biggest supporter and she will always be my baby.
I write this because I want you to know breast feeding isn’t always easy.
I love our relationship but there are many days I am confused.
Or want to quit.
Or get bitten.
Or have to pump.
Or get frustrated.
What I am now realizing more and more is that having a child is living with constant change.
Today isn’t going to be what yesterday was.
Last months “normal” you might not even remember because it seems like years ago now.
I wrote about my feelings on breast feeding in a previous post
I love being with her, letting her fall asleep on my breast and running my fingers through her hair.
As all the changes are happening and our dynamic shifts I know even more to treasure our sessions.
I also am trying to not define our days by them.
IF she wants to nurse, she does.
IF she doesn’t want to….that needs to be o.k..
It’s not a rejection of me.
It doesn’t mean she doesn’t love me.
I’m still her mom.
All this growing up is hard on this mama.
I wouldn’t change a thing either, I guess it wouldn’t hurt so much if it didn’t mean so much, right…?
We keep on, on our breast feeding journey.
And I keep on, on my journey to let my child grow up and to let myself enjoy it.