Today is why we keep on dancing~

Topic : Breastfeeding

So I’m not even going to apologize or act like I’m going to write anything else but what’s going on with our breast feeding right now.

As I’m looking at my home page all the previous posts are about my boobs and the ups and downs of breast feeding.

Eh…if you want to read it you can, if not. that’s all good too.

I just wanted to warn you in case you thought by the title this was going to be about me doing Zumba or something. 😉

Earlier in the week as I was wondering what was going on with our feeding and if CBJ was weaning, I wrote about it in this post.

I called several people.
God bless them.
Every one. 🙂

One person I spoke to described the relationship of breast feeding like a dance, two steps forward one back.
Maybe some steps to the side…
A Cha-cha-cha…
You get it.

I guess Le Leache League is the creator of this description but I cannot recall it in all my reading.
Not the point.

The point is this.

We dance on.

Earlier this week, I thought I was done.
Done with wondering if my child wanted to eat.
Or if she would bite.

Do I retire the nursing tanks or keep layering on my trusty (and SO worn) tanks a bit longer.

I didn’t know.
I knew I didn’t want to but I thought my child maybe did.
And let’s be honest, she could wake up tomorrow and be done.
I would be crushed (CLEARLY, CLEARY we all know this- geez). 🙂

I also knew that I didn’t want to keep going like we were.
For me to fear being bitten.
All the odd times or cluster feeding, that I can handle.
Frustrating but do-able.
Biting?
Nope.

But today.
Today is the reason I keep on.

This morning I was bitten.
I was frustrated.
Tired.
Hurting.
Hurting in the physical sense but more in my heart.

CBJ bit me when I was trying to nurse her down for her morning nap.
She had no desire to sleep which was probably the cause of her biting but still…one must have manners when it comes to the boobs.

No morning nap.

Hysterical by afternoon nap time.
She fought it like a champ.
I do admire her spirit (I know where she gets it).
Didn’t want to nurse.
But then…she decided she was ready to nurse.

And we sat for QUITE some while she fed and slept.

And we had our time.
She was able to calm down.
She was able to get nourishment.
We were both able to see breast feeding was something we both still want.

After about 45 minutes I wish I’d brought a book. 😉

Today I listened to my child.
Started to REALLY listen.
I’m a big controller.
I like think I”m not but I am.

I kept wanting her to nurse just the same.
Same time every day.
Same position.
Have both boobs.
Nurse to sleep.
Not want “just a snack” before a nap.
Wanted her to nap.
Wanted her to nurse a certain number of times a day.
Or else things weren’t “o.k.”.

And I can’t do that.

Today, I went in to her when she needed me.
Not in anger.
Or fear (o.k. maybe a little fear of biting)
But as a mom whose child is an exhausted teething 11 month old.
And I sat with her.
I offered.
And she wanted to nurse.

I didn’t give up on our nursing and she didn’t give up on me.
There was a shift for us, not sure what it was but a shift happened.
We both settled in and I got some renewed faith in our breast feeding dance.

I write this knowing our dance can end anytime.

But today, I’m happy I didn’t decide to throw in the towel yesterday.

And there might be a day I write that I’m done.
And that will be o.k..

And there WILL be a day with I will write that CBJ isn’t nursing anymore. And that will also be o.k..

But for today.
We dance~

Emma
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Comments

  • Meghann Parson August 27, 2014

    Emma, I have the same problem with Tess who is not quite 22 months. Still nursing and sometimes refuses to eat. We add raw sprouted protein to her smoothies. Not a huge amount but just a little. She will almost always eat eggs, pancakes and bacon (I'd very easily be ovolactovegetarian but Daddy is a meat eater) or eggs, guacamole, Brown rice and black beans. Or avocado. Those are my only two "go to" meals. And carbs. She'll eat cookies or crackers for days. Glad the doctor was supportive, I've been thinking about going there as well. I'm sick of the weaning conversation.

    • ReplyEmma August 27, 2014

      Scrambled eggs are a hit so I'm going to keep offering, avocado too.. I was impressed by Little Flower, it is so refreshing to be in a place that supports breastfeeding. Not a formula pamphlet in the place. And applause for continuing to breastfeed? Makes me want to go daily! It's far by driving standards (least from our house) but worth it to be able to not get hassled about parenting choices.

  • Bethany May 14, 2014

    Good job, mama!

    • ReplyEmma May 15, 2014

      :) thank you friend!

  • Lara October 18, 2013

    Wow, I'm so glad we aren't the only ones who have gone through all these ups and downs with nursing. G is still nursing strong at 14.5 months. There were times when I swore he was weaning himself (8/9 months, and I cried and cried), and nowadays lately he nurses like a newborn. Some days I have so much milk that I'm still spurting and needing nursing pads, other days I think he looks at me like, "Turn it on, mama!" I think the lesson after we have put all this time in it should be: our babies and our bodies know what to do! :)

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