Today is why we keep on dancing~
Topic : Breastfeeding
So I’m not even going to apologize or act like I’m going to write anything else but what’s going on with our breast feeding right now.
As I’m looking at my home page all the previous posts are about my boobs and the ups and downs of breast feeding.
Eh…if you want to read it you can, if not. that’s all good too.
I just wanted to warn you in case you thought by the title this was going to be about me doing Zumba or something. 😉
Earlier in the week as I was wondering what was going on with our feeding and if CBJ was weaning, I wrote about it in this post.
I called several people.
God bless them.
Every one. 🙂
One person I spoke to described the relationship of breast feeding like a dance, two steps forward one back.
Maybe some steps to the side…
You get it.
I guess Le Leache League is the creator of this description but I cannot recall it in all my reading.
Not the point.
The point is this.
We dance on.
Earlier this week, I thought I was done.
Done with wondering if my child wanted to eat.
Or if she would bite.
Do I retire the nursing tanks or keep layering on my trusty (and SO worn) tanks a bit longer.
I didn’t know.
I knew I didn’t want to but I thought my child maybe did.
And let’s be honest, she could wake up tomorrow and be done.
I would be crushed (CLEARLY, CLEARY we all know this- geez). 🙂
I also knew that I didn’t want to keep going like we were.
For me to fear being bitten.
All the odd times or cluster feeding, that I can handle.
Frustrating but do-able.
Today is the reason I keep on.
This morning I was bitten.
I was frustrated.
Hurting in the physical sense but more in my heart.
CBJ bit me when I was trying to nurse her down for her morning nap.
She had no desire to sleep which was probably the cause of her biting but still…one must have manners when it comes to the boobs.
No morning nap.
Hysterical by afternoon nap time.
She fought it like a champ.
I do admire her spirit (I know where she gets it).
Didn’t want to nurse.
But then…she decided she was ready to nurse.
And we sat for QUITE some while she fed and slept.
And we had our time.
She was able to calm down.
She was able to get nourishment.
We were both able to see breast feeding was something we both still want.
After about 45 minutes I wish I’d brought a book. 😉
Today I listened to my child.
Started to REALLY listen.
I’m a big controller.
I like think I”m not but I am.
I kept wanting her to nurse just the same.
Same time every day.
Have both boobs.
Nurse to sleep.
Not want “just a snack” before a nap.
Wanted her to nap.
Wanted her to nurse a certain number of times a day.
Or else things weren’t “o.k.”.
And I can’t do that.
Today, I went in to her when she needed me.
Not in anger.
Or fear (o.k. maybe a little fear of biting)
But as a mom whose child is an exhausted teething 11 month old.
And I sat with her.
And she wanted to nurse.
I didn’t give up on our nursing and she didn’t give up on me.
There was a shift for us, not sure what it was but a shift happened.
We both settled in and I got some renewed faith in our breast feeding dance.
I write this knowing our dance can end anytime.
But today, I’m happy I didn’t decide to throw in the towel yesterday.
And there might be a day I write that I’m done.
And that will be o.k..
And there WILL be a day with I will write that CBJ isn’t nursing anymore. And that will also be o.k..
But for today.